Thursday, September 5, 2013

A Week's Worth of Questions

My kids.  My kids ask me questions constantly.  I know this is normal, but their questions are different because most of them A) Have absolutely no context, B) Are extremely, extremely strange and C) Don’t have real world answers. That last one is what really gets me.  How does one handle being inundated with questions to which there are no answers?  I decided to record a week’s worth of these questions because they make Joseph and I laugh until we cry, and because if any of you see me looking particularly frazzled, I want you to know why.  Without further ado:

The Questions

1. What would you do if my eyeballs were paralyzed?

2. What would you do if Judah ate an entire bag of poppy seeds and pooped poppy seed paste?

3. What if we lived on the sun?

4. What if your name was Bob, Titi’s name was George and Lala’s name was Tom?

5. What would you do if I didn’t have any lips?

6. What if I was born with my face like this? (Ugly scrunch)

7. If the entire world, except people and animals, was made of Jello, what would you wear?

8. What would you do if I sold your broom for $100,000?

9. What if each rice crispy was a meal?

10. What if a termite came?

11. What if, every time you called a bug, it became yours automatically and you could drive it?

12. What if a car only cost a penny and we had all the pennies and all the dollars and all the riches in all the world?

13. What if you were Spike and your name was George and you danced on the ceiling every night?

14. Mom, what if you were a frog?

15. What if you were a rat in a cat?

16. What if Cheeky (Judah) was made of butter?

17. What if you were yeast?

18. What if you were a bar of gold and I didn’t know you were my Mom and I selled you to a farmer’s market for $9,000?

19. What if you put hot water and juice and hot cocoa in this cup? What would happen?

20. What if we were a family of GI Joes?

21. What if you were a giant gummy bear and I didn’t know you were my Mom and I ate you?

22. What if your dress was made of glass?

23. What if you were wearing your glass dress and Cheeky (Judah) crawled up to you and bit it and it shattered?

24. What if the whole world was a plum? Would you have to keep it away from Judah?

25. What if the Huskies were called the Skankies?

26. If I was 82 and you were 8 would I be old enough to be your Dad?

27. What if you were 1 inch tall and then you were 6 foot 2?

28. Mom, what if Claire meat was a tasty treat?

29. Are you a stump?

30. Look at the me.  I go with you?

31. What if you were a GI Joe and I ate GI Joe meat?

32. What if you were Dick Van Dyke?

33. What if you were a German person and I was just a regular human from the city?

The end.  See what I mean?!  This can't possibly be normal.  Do your kids ask questions like this too?  Do you have any favorites from this list?  Let me know below!