Thursday, January 29, 2015

Kids Are Weird

The kids are at it again.  They never cease to amaze me with the sheer volume, constancy, and strangeness of the things they say.  Over the past few weeks, I've written down some of their ramblings so that they can be used later in life for embarrassment/manipulation.

First off, we have a tongue twister, brought to you by Emma, trying to tell on Judah.  

. "Mooooom, Judah found a crackage of packers, and he's eaaaatttting it!!!" 

Secondly, we have misunderstood/misread movie titles and song lyrics.  
. Micah, trying to read "Karate Kid." "What's this all about, the Care-Ate Kid?"
. Micah, all the time, every time, sings "Oopon Gangnam Style," as "Oopon Condom Star."  No amount of begging or awkward explanations on my part seems to be helping.
. Claire, singing to the tune of, "All about that base, bout that base, no treble," sings, "Mama buys the dicks, buys the dicks, No PROBLEM."  I have no idea how this happened, but she is absolutely certain that I am the one misunderstanding the lyrics.  My kids have dirty minds.

Next, we have the things that just come from their own weird imaginations. No surprise to those who know him, but this section is Micah heavy.

. Micah asked me to undo the high lock on the door and let him out.  It seems like a normal enough request, until I mention that he asked by saying, "Mom, will you open the door for me to the outside world?"
. Micah tried convincing his sister that when babies are born, they only have a butthole.  The doctors actually surgically add the buttcrack.  Makes sense, right?
. Claire and Micah were concerned, while we waited in the car, that Daddy was taking longer than expected in the grocery store. Claire, with worry in her voice, suggested that "maybe Daddy got buyed." Micah decided that he must have stolen someone's car and driven away without us.
. Micah told me that if you have one rooster and two really, really mean hens, they actually make two roosters.  The condition, of course, is that the rooster has to be "extremely cockish."  
Lastly, we have a section for overconfident wit, featuring Emma.

. Emma told me that her favorite word is nubby.  I can't even....
. Emma walked in from taking care of our chickens, with chicken poop on her shirt.  I was in the laundry room, switching laundry out.  She threw the shirt at me and said,
E: Wash this for me.
I peeled the poopy shirt off of myself and replied,
E:Why not?! 
N: Well, it might be because you just treated me like your slave, and not one that you like very much.
She giggled and said, 
E: Oh, Mama. Don't worry, I like you!

Like I said, they never cease to amaze me.  Amaze and worry me.  Am I the only one who wonders if her kids are ever going to be normal enough to survive outside the house?

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